SCREW PHCN By Khalifa

I guess she lied to me about her school, so I lied to her about my age. Now, I don't care what they call biscuit in Ghana or if she's ever been there. Each morning, I dial her number and hope it rings. But I always get the same reply
'The subscriber you're calling,
is currently not available'
Why didn't I get her Facebook username? Why didn't I ask of her mail address? And how long will it take me to scroll through the list of Lindas on
Facebook to get her. What if
she uses a sobriquet for her user name?
Watching her walk towards me that morning, I already knew something was going to happen.
'Do you guys sell cookies here?' She asked.
I stared at her, not certain how to reply. Our eyes met, hers was blue, the colour of her blowse. She didn't take off her eyes and I wondered if my eyes were no longer scary like my friend's girlfriend insists.
'I want some cookies'
It was then I saw the line that demarcated her boob.
'Biscuit you mean?' Speaking as phonetically as I could.
She nodded.
'Why couldn't you just say it?'
'Oh!' She adjusted her head and her black hair gracefully fell on
her skin. 'I'm sorry, I forgot here is not Ghana, they call it cookies'... It's too early, the bar opens at 7:00am. That's when you could get it'
'Ain't this the bar?'
'It is, but the bar man is with the key, he starts work by seven, until then, I'm afraid...' I shook my head. She nodded and made a few steps off. I watched her flap her backside like models on the highway. She turned back after a few steps. I took my eyes off her bum short and pretended to be moving back to my seat.
'Your a.c. seems faulty, it would be on this minute and off the next.'
'It's the way it's meant to be, it only works with PHCN power'
'That is a quarter of the night. That's why I hardly come home, unstable power. Gosh!'
She turned back and I continued with my stare. She turned back after a while. This time, she stared at me like she caught me staring.
'Yeah...'
'I'm... By what time will my bill expire?'
'12pm'
'Ok. 12 o'clock.' she nodded 'What's your position here if I may ask?'
'I watch... I keep... I take care of the gate'
'The gateman?'
I nodded. 'Yes, the gateman, is anything wrong with that?' I thought 'After all, I know my future will be bright'
'Gateman, you have a name?'
'Yeah, lodger, my name is Ndubisi Emeka, ND for short.'
She noded and made to the stair case.
'You don't care to know mine?' She climbed the stair sluggishly...
I reported late to work later in the evening. After my little office rituals: checking out the diesel and the water level in the generators, putting on the water-pumping machine and starting the generator to be sure it was okay, I went outside the gate and sat under the hotel sign post.
'What are you doing outside all alone, aren't you feeling cold?' It was her, staring at me from the little corridor of her room. Our eyes met when I looked towards the direction of the sound. I just shrugged.
I was WhatsApping when some foot steps approached. It must be her and I wanted to make my stare dramatic. I was speechless when my eyes fell on the protruded tummy of my boss.
'Emeka, have you checked the fuel in the generator?'
'Yes, sir, it's full.' He walked off.
'When do you lock your gate?' This time, it was her and I didn't forsee it, thus my dramatic stare was lost in my wishes.
'Twelve midnight.'
'What if someone wants to go somewhere some minutes after that?'
'Once it's twelve, no one enters and no one leaves. That's the rule.'
'Yeah, I know, for those of us who don't have enough to bribe you.'
'Where do you want to go?'
'Where people go on Friday night.'
'And you can't leave before twelve?'
'The bike that will take me there will be here by half past twelve.'
I mulled for a while 'I'll be at the bar then.'
She thanked me and sat close to me. I pretended to be busy with my phone while she complained of how poor network was in Nigeria, how hard she found it downloading a pornographic video she saw on Youtube. She talked about her school in Ghana, a school she didn't mention the name. We asked ourselves some personal questions. She asked me how I managed to be comfortable in Nigeria. I asked her how she managed not to be. From one issue to the other, one arguement after another, we started talking like old time friends but my job couldn't give me the time.
I knocked at her room a few minutes to twelve. She was watching television. She said she couldn't make it for the party. Though she eluded telling me why. She asked if I could come keep her company. I was about finding an excuse to give her when she said 'It's no problem if you can't.'
I stared around the room, studied the size of the medium size mattress, inhaled the sweet fragrance of the room's air freshner and watched her blue eyes as she stared at me. After a few seconds of my long silence and stare, she put off her sweater, revealing her bare back and some part of her luscious boobs. Her gown was so skimpy and transparent that I could not only see all her curves but could also see the colour of her undies. She then drew closer to me and looked at me eyeball to eyeball, the fragrance of her perfume, more enchanting than black magic.
'What are you looking at?' She became mean, her eyes as daring as Rihanna's. 'You don't like what you're seeing?' I was speechless for a reason I can't tell. A hypnotic chill ran through my veins, a kind of chill I can't remember ever having. After a long stare between us, she hissed and turned 'Ghana guys are smarter than this.'
She slowly walked to the mattress, her booty making the kind of melodic shake you'd see in a party hit music video. She started dressing the bed, her juggies dangling before me as she did that. She stared lustfully at me when she was done, hissed again, jumped to the bed and covered herself.
'I love my light off when I go to bed. And please, don't bang the door when you leave.' She said.
I turned off the light and slowly moved to the bed. Before I could get my hand on the bed, my back was on the mattress, she, on me, her wet lips on mine, before they ran down my neck. I pushed her to the mattress and ran my hand over her pointed breast. And even though whenever I watched porn, I wondered why men sucked it, I couldn't believe my mouth when it was sucking her boobs. At a point, she held me, I couldn't believe a girl could be that strong, her eyes were burning, and whenever I kissed her neck, she'd let out some lustful sighs of unsatisfied satisfaction and would push my head closer to it. It was all like some fantasy till she pushed me off, stripped off her blowse at an unqualifiedly pace and nearly tore my shirt and jean. I can't tell how I reached for her pant and flung it on the floor. There it was, shaved, brown like her skin colour. I was still lost in the amazement when she planted her lips on my belly and ran it down my... And soon, she was fumbling with it. After a while, her eyes was more scarlet than blood. She held it strongly and slipped it into her. .. I was lost in the warmth band wetness. She held my butt and was forcing it close to her... And soon, I took the job off her. Just then, the television and air condition went off. I could hear the bark of my boss and picture vividly my sack letter in my mind. I had to go put on the generator. It was when I climbed down the stair that I remembered I forgot locking the gate.
You should have seen the speed with which I put on the generator or how like Usain Bolt I ran to lock the gate. And my pace as I ran back to her room was far higher. I nearly spoilt the door handle with force when I got to the door. It didn't open so I knocked.
'I'm sorry, ND, I've lost it' She said after the third knock.
I stood there for as long as I wish I could tell, hoping she may change her mind. I couldn't beg and couldn't knock on the door so I wouldn't disturb the lodgers' peace. I only leaned by the door, listening to the sound from the television in her room and the crazy scream from a lady being fucked in the next room. I knew it was going to happen that night but PHCN stole my night. I've been here sober for the past minutes meting out the deadliest curses I know to Fuck PHCN!!!



Written By Khalifa